This conversation took place 27 years ago and today I’m even more NOT the woman my husband first married, thankfully though he’s grown to love the woman I am today, as have I.
He voiced these words to me as I neared the end of my first ever block of counselling sessions and I was beginning to discover the possibility that I might be the most important person in my life.
Today that possibility has turned into a way of life, and I understand now, without any doubt whatsoever, that my purpose here on earth is to know myself intimately and in order to do this I have to choose myself first.
Many people (including my hubby and myself initially) over the years have questioned this apparent selfishness, however, I feel I have proved them wrong.
By choosing myself first, my mental, physical and spiritual health has improved significantly and because of this, I have had the energy to care for many more people than I would ever have dreamed of through becoming a counsellor myself, as a Mum, and as an unpaid carer to my husband who has undergone two major brain surgeries in the last 10 years. I wouldn’t have had the energy to care for others if I hadn’t placed that "oxygen mask'' on me first.
From a very early age, we are hypnotised by society to think and feel that we are not the most important person in our own lives and so we enter the realms of never feeling “good enough”. We then proceed to live a life where in order to feel “enough”:
- We meet the needs of others before ourselves and end up exhausted and might subsequently suffer from mental and physical health issues.
- We feel we need to achieve and be successful otherwise we won’t be accepted in society.
- We overspend, over-eat, and over-work in order to fill that big black “not enough” hole.
Deep beneath all of this societal conditioning, we have an unfulfilled longing to choose ourselves first and to have the freedom to just BE, but to do this would mean CHANGE and change can be SCARY. It takes a lot of COURAGE to go against the norm, doesn’t it?
I’ve found over the years though that change doesn’t have to be hard work; slow, tiny steps make the biggest differences. Also, we need to listen to the guidance of the most important person in our life – OURSELVES.
The best way to listen to ourselves is to STOP DOING. We need SPACE, SILENCE and SOLITUDE to find out what our “enough” is, instead of feeling we have to live in a world where we want more, more, more and we have to do, do, do.
As Ben Fogle says, “a calm, modest life brings contentment and happiness, away from the pursuit of success and the jealousy of comparison, we are free to be who we are, not what society wants to mould us into”.
So, as we step into Spring, a new season in our lives, it’s the perfect time to courageously ask ourselves:
- Who is the most important person in my life? (If it’s not you, do you want it to be?)
- If I allowed myself to be more courageous, what would my life look like?
- What would you like to grow more of in your life?
- How could you encourage that growth?
That growth is ongoing and this year I intend to grow some more and become a bit wilder! Wilder in the sense of DOING less and BEING more; giving myself even more permission slips not to do things the way they’ve always been done.
In particular this year, I’m going to be rewilding my business, courageously allowing it to grow into how it’s meant to be at this stage of my life instead of comparing it to what society thinks a successful business should look like.
So, you might notice some changes along the way, then again you might not, as I intend for any changes to be made slowly and simply. As always, I’ll ensure that you’re able to access the relevant information if you feel you would like to grow alongside me.
Why don’t you join me this year in growing something new my friend?
How about courageously CHOOSING to become who you want to be?
Speak soon, much love till then