I hope this little love note from my heart to yours finds you safe and well.
Back in February this year I wrote about “embracing our seasons” (to view, please click HERE) – well, what a season the end of Winter and Spring turned out to be!!
Instead of growth and new beginnings, it felt like we were being forced back into that hibernation cave as we were engulfed in the darkness of a worldwide pandemic.
Many of us felt uncertainty, panic, fear and anxiety and initially I too felt these emotions. However, as the world began to quieten and I watched the trees turn to green, the skies and the rivers becoming clearer and the birdsong becoming louder, I became calmer as I witnessed Mother Nature holding us safe and grounded in her arms and embracing us in the energy of hope.
Instead of rushing about trying “to do” to fill the time, I chose “to be” and began to mirror the energy of this nature, to be gentle with myself, to weather the storms, and overall beginning to live slowly and simply, trusting I would be guided.
The arrival of Spring and the sensational rays from the sunny skies above energised me even more and - despite all the uncertainty surrounding me - I used the extended lockdown to enter a deeper period of reflection and I came to realise just how much of an introvert I am.
I came to realise I crave SOLITUDE.
For years I had tried to fit in to a world which is designed mostly for extroverts – our schools, workplaces and social institutions have been created to stimulate. Extroverts crave stimulation.
Too much stimulation can exhaust introverts and if not kept in check can lead to burn out, anxiety and depression.
If it wasn’t for the pandemic I doubt I would have realised just how much I need solitude. It’s like oxygen for me and as Susan Cain the author of “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” says…
“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe”.
This reflection then guided me to a deeper realisation. The introvert in me played a big part in why I changed my business name to I CHOOSE ME.
For most of my life I was living in what I now call my Great Forgetting – forgetting that I was an introvert.
This caused much dis-ease in my life and led to me becoming an addict. My addiction of choice is co-dependency which in essence means I believed that my own needs should be sacrificed for those of others, regardless of the consequences to my own physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing.
My recovery path means that I have had to learn how to CHOOSE me – to connect to myself, to meet my own basic human needs, to create safe and strong boundaries for myself, to nourish and nurture myself – in essence to take time out to remember who I truly am – an introverted soul who, like Mother Nature, needs solitude, silence and simplicity to survive.
Little did I know back in February that the Universe in the shape of Mother Nature was guiding me to this realisation. I didn’t have to create that beautiful wild garden, it was being created for me. The only thing I had to do was slow down and let nature take its course with my life.
I have no idea where she is going to take me next but it’s my intention to surrender into her arms even more, to follow her lead and live slowly and simply to the beat of her drum and the rhythm of her seasons.
As Claude Monet says: “it is my wish to stay always like this, living quietly in a corner of nature”.
Until next time my friend it is my greatest wish that you too follow your heart’s desire.