How are you doing? How are you feeling?
When we last connected, we were celebrating the energy of the Summer Solstice, endings, and new beginnings. (Click HERE if you missed our last blog).
I also wrote that I intended to use the energy of Summer to invite new energy into my life by reflecting upon the following questions:
- What does my life look like now that it is reduced to ashes?
- What rich new life can take root now?
- What can I create?
- What transformation will come as this phoenix rises from the ashes?
As I began to reflect, I could feel FEAR rising within me. I froze.
The questions were asking too much of me. They felt like they were going to lead to change, too much change. I usually embrace change, but this was overwhelming … exhausting.
WHAT WAS I SCARED OF? I HAD NO IDEA!
My mind was pleading, “please, no more change, enough is enough”, my heart was saying “hush, just take a breath, we’ll work it out, but for now just breathe”.
I took a breath, and another and another. I listened to my heart. I listened to it in silence and solitude trusting that it would lead the way.
My heart first of all guided me to rest – I rested.
It then guided me to meditate in silence and with intention on the following questions:
- WHAT WAS I SCARED OF WALKING AWAY FROM?
- WHAT WAS I SCARED OF WALKING BACK TO?
- WHAT WAS I SCARED OF WALKING TOWARDS?
No answers came and I could feel the fear creeping in once more trying to invade my whole body.
My heart hushed me once more and guided me to surrender into its arms wholly and completely
– I surrendered.
My heart then asked me to listen again – I listened.
I heard a little voice deep within me saying…
“My darling you, in the last year you have discovered freedom; freedom to live in seasons, to write stories, to embrace your introverted self, to live in silence and solitude, to potter, to BE more than DO, to meet your own needs, to CHOOSE YOU.
You are fearful now of inviting more change into your life in case it imprisons you again through over- doing, over-pleasing, over-working, and falling back into the dis-ease of co-dependency. Can you answer the questions of your heart now little one?
- I WAS SCARED OF WALKING AWAY FROM MY FREEDOM
- I WAS SCARED OF WALKING BACK TO BEING IMPRISONED BY MY ADDICTION TO CODEPENDENCY.
- I WAS SCARED OF WALKING TOWARDS MORE CHANGE THAT COULD TAKE AWAY MY NEW-FOUND FREEDOM.
In essence, I was in fear of losing all I had harvested so far in the last year.
I was terrified of once again not having my needs met and forgetting to choose me, forgetting to nourish and nurture the seeds I had planted earlier in the year, the SEEDS OF MY OWN NEEDS.
Once again, I could hear the words of Abraham Maslow who, funnily enough, created the Hierarchy of Human Needs…
“One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
In that moment of sweet release my fear left me, my heart cracked wide open and I cried tears of sweet relief.
And so today on the 1st of August I find myself celebrating once more. I am not only celebrating the festival of Lammas, which marks the annual wheat harvest and is the first harvest festival of the year, I am celebrating and embracing all the CHANGE and transformation I have accomplished so far in the last year and all the hard work that has gone into creating this change.
I am also acknowledging that harvesting a bountiful crop is hard work and takes up a lot of energy. And so as we reach this mid-point of summer, I am reminded to rest and refuel my energy tank as much as I can in the months ahead, which no doubt will involve even more change as I take the tentative steps out of lockdown and step out into a world which has changed dramatically in such a short period of time.
I can see now too that the FEAR I felt previously was a messenger.
It was reminding me that personal growth, just like growing a garden is hard work and involves a lot of perseverance. Personal growth also involves lots of change and to hide away from change is like giving up on our beautiful gardens in the middle of summer and letting them wither away just as they are about to burst into bloom and brightness.
My fear taught me to finish what I started, to accomplish all that I have worked for so far. To allow myself to be transformed into a beautiful wild garden, to grow and flourish in the seasons and harvest a year where I met my own needs first and CHOSE ME.
And so my friend as we enter into the last few weeks of Summer, I invite you to feel into what you would like to harvest in the next few months as we ease out of lockdown and into a new way of being.
- Do you have any fears that are preventing you from reaping that harvest?
- If so, using the remaining energy of Summer, what action could you take to stop that from happening?
I invite you also to be gentle with yourself, and take time to acknowledge how hard it’s been for you over the last few months when the pandemic forced change into your lives some of which may not have been wanted.
Give yourself credit for the way in which you handled this change, take a breath, listen, and maybe you can see too just how much your own garden has grown and evolved.
I am off now to tend to my own wild garden, ensuring I’ve done all I can to reap a bountiful harvest in Autumn and I’ll be in touch then to celebrate with you some more.
Sending all my love on this sacred day,